The Waiter

At the very best of houses where the best of people dine,
And the very best of eatables they eater,
Give the very best of spirits and decant the best of wine,
I attend as a very merry waiter;
Then a table-cloth can spread, next decant my white and red,
Manage matters to a charm, and with napkin under arm,
Can skin flint or jolly fellow tell,
Knew whether they?ll come down a tiffy or a crown,
So I treats ?em as I find them ill or well,
And when noify roaring, drumming, tingling, juggling, I cries coming.
Coming, coming, coming, coming.
Coming in Ma?am, coming up Sir, d?-n the bells, they?re all ringing at once, coming, coming, coming, coming.
In the merry meetings why I always like to share
Whole bottles sometimes broke why t hen I snack it
In that I?m quite at home so it travels you know where.
Sally chambermaid and slily crack it,
She a little fortun?s made, just by making warm a bed,
So I think it not amiss now and then to snatch a kiss,
For you know I like Sally very well.
So hob nobbing as we char, looking loving and all that,
In our ears they?re ever ringing such a peal,
Mistress, maids all bawling, drumming,
Tingling, jingling, I cries coming, &c.
John Devil some buiscuits, and take ?em up to the Angel; Tom take care of No. 21, I shall take care of No. 1 myself.
A snipe there once was order?d such an article we?d not.
Yet to disappoint a customer unwilling,
A plover was served up, the gentleman swore no bill it had got.
Says I, swallow it I?ll soon bring the bill in:
Thus I jokes and gaily talk, while poor master joked with chalk,
And will jingling glasses drink, while I jingle in the chink,
?Cod he breaks, and I buy in, who can tell?
Sally mistress then is made, up to every servants trade,
We are certain sure, your honors to do well,
Brisk and busy, no hum drumming,
Tingling, jingling, I cries coming, &c.
James take care of No. 4, and see that some cellermen sends up prick?d bottles; they?re a shabby set, and we may never see them again. Mrs. Napkin shew my Lord to the Star and Garter; and Lawyer Lattitat the Devil; he?s going there himself, Sir, he knows the way very well.

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